Plan well. Live Fully.

Preparing Mentally for a Fulfilling Retirement

Discussion with Leslie Thorp, by Theresa Wolner

I recently had the pleasure of chatting with one our long-time clients, Leslie Thorp. Leslie came to HoyleCohen through Elisabeth Cullington, Partner and co-founder of the Women & Wealth practice. The two met in the early 80’s when Elisabeth provided financial planning/401 advice to Leslie and her colleagues. Leslie now works with HoyleCohen next generation advisors for her day-to-day management and has developed relationships with several of us here in the San Diego office.

Leslie is a recent retiree who worked for years in the field of  HR Consulting and Outplacement Services. Her firm was called upon to guide employees who were going to transitioned out of their positions due to M&A or other activities, so she has many first hand experiences dealing with people who are exiting employment whether it be to another possible job/career, self-employment, or “retirement.”

Retirement in our culture has so many connotations – often implying a time when we just get to “do nothing” or “everything we have been looking forward to once we are no longer working” or “having the time to volunteer, take trips, golf, read, etc.”.  The trouble with these ideas is that they really don’t take into context the reality of what it looks like on a day to day basis to no longer be working, no longer be defined by working, and no longer have our time be defined by the demands of our career. Not to mention the financial reality of no longer bringing in an income.

Leslie offered some great insights to the realities of “retiring,” and how to plan for successfully entering this next phase of life. Coincidentally, much of our conversation revealed parallels to the circumstances many people are living with in the age of COVID with respect to being home more. Many of us have been either cooped up with our families, trying to deal with working from home, maybe with a spouse and kids online schooling, or alone and isolated with no regular outside connections or contact. As such, we too are learning firsthand the effects of not going to work every day.

So, what is this next phase of our lives going to look like? Ultimately, we receive much more from work than just the income it generates, and many of us may not even realize what drives and fulfills us. Looking at what work has provided to you in the form of intellectual stimulation, challenges, working with others, structure, a feeling of self worth, role as an expert in your field, learning new things, etc. are key considerations.

Leslie shared several things she “tried on” like traveling alone and participating on the board of a non-profit to realize where her interests and fulfillment came from. She learned she would much rather go hiking in Zion national park with a friend than travel half way around the world to explore museums and cafes alone. She tried volunteering in different capacities to understand that she prefers a situation that does not require a weekly commitment and is happy with her current activities as an Ambassador for Feeding San Diego, and a regular volunteer in her grandchildren’s classrooms. She shared these experiences noting that sometimes it feels like we are supposed to behave a certain way in retirement, and a big part of  learning to live her most fulfilling retirement has been finding out who she is, not who others (or the “retiree stereotype”) think she should be.  Sage advice for whatever phase of life we are in!

One of the most illuminating things Leslie reflected on was the need for a plan. Many of us believe that once we retire and have more time we will exercise more often, go to the theater, travel, etc. But it is all too easy to find ourselves sitting on the couch watching TV, not being social and just eating at all times of the day and night (COVID anyone?). Unsurprisingly, this can quickly lead to depression and lethargy. Leslie highly recommends a plan and a daily/weekly schedule. Identify what YOU need to feel fulfilled (i.e. a challenge, being with others, structure, intellectual stimulation, creating, …) and develop a plan to fulfil these needs within the context of your physical and financial means. It is important to note that Leslie is now able to focus on a successful retirement and related activities in large part because of the financial planning and guidance she has received and adhered to along the way.

Crediting thoughtful planning and keeping a routine, Leslie has been successful at keeping sane and living a full live in her retirement. Even with the unknowns that retirement and life has thrown her way, like taking care of her grandkids regularly, which is something she did not initially plan on, Leslie still sticks to her exercise schedule and plans regular trips and get-togethers with friends. She has fulfilled her need for a good challenge through setting physical goals and, in a non-COVID environment, is regularly involved in San Diego Cinema Society, travel, book club, volunteering, reading, and spending time with friends.

If you or someone you love is nearing retirement and would like to hear more on the subject of preparing yourself mentally for this next chapter in your life, please tune into our upcoming virtual event, hosted by Elisabeth Cullington and guest speaker, Health & Executive Coach Pegah Kadkhodaian on September 29^th. More details can be found here.